Eau de Top Chef No. 5 (a.k.a. Buh-Bye Zoi)

Last night's episode was a doozy. Not only did Spike wear his most bizarre hat yet, the chefs were randomly put into 4 teams, each team based on the 4 elements, and told to cook a related dish for a charity event. Team Fire won the challenge with a spicy shrimp plate, but not after Dale and Lisa bitched and moaned for the entire episode. Lisa won for her wacky Asian-inspired hoity-toity bacon. Guest Judge Ming Tsai (hello, hottie!) awarded her the win because he said he really liked her innovative approach. I just wish Lisa would be innovative in the shower and wash her hair for once.

The two losing teams lost hard. For the Water Team, Richard ("Dough Boy") and his team made some scaly salmon that was apparently mushy and unappetizing. Ugh! It looks like an autopsy (see left). For the Earth Team, Zoi and her gang (which included immune Antonia, and "Hat Boy" Spike) made some bland mushrooms and a limp-looking salad. What irked me wasn't the food, but that Bravo (one of the gayest, if not the gayest channels) only showed Jennifer giving her partner Zoi a tiny little peck on the cheek goodbye when Zoi got kicked off the show. What gives?! Oh well, Zoi needed to go home--she apparently can't season her food. Such hesitation is never good in the kitchen. Although...I would have rather seen Richard go home last night. At least his ego got cut down a notch.

The most ridiculous part of the show? Not the scaly fish, nor Lisa's constant negativity. No, that honor goes to Dale, who actually grabbed his own crotch, gangster-style, when he was yelling at Lisa after the elimination! Who does that? I mean, really! Tiny Dale thinks he's ghetto? What?! I was almost on the floor laughing. Almost. I was too busy being confused.

Ta-Ta For Now, Valerie

Valerie was the 2nd participant sent home from the Top Chef kitchen because she made a batch of black olive blinis with mascarpone that just didn't keep well and apparently weren't very blini-like according to the judges.

That's too bad because I thought the other team did worse -- they made a turd-looking mushroom dish that was apparently cold and unappetizing.

Note to self: never serve a dish that looks like poop at a zoo fund raiser. People may mistake your creation for something the monkeys dragged in.